If you’re one of those folks that doesn’t have to turn to a vice in times of distress then, as the Irish say, good on you.  Now for all us regular folk out there, let’s talk about drinking. If you have a drinking problem then disregard this bit of truth: Drinking has its place.  If you are someone who can drink and keep your sh*t together then have drinks with friends to blow off steam and to remember how to laugh.

SAD ABOUT IT:

I couldn’t deal with my consciousness for about five weeks after the word divorce came out of her mouth, so I took to changing my consciousness quite regularly.  Whiskey and beer helped me to do that. Here are some important pointers no matter how you drink:

1. Hide your car keys.  (Before you go down this road buy enough booze, food, and smokes for the evening because you won’t want to run out of stuff and then feel the need to drive around.)  Sure, hiding your keys is symbolic, but you need the symbolism to remind you of how dangerous, reckless, foolish, and dumb it is to drive after having some drinks. By the way, it is very f*cking reckless, foolish, and dumb to drive after having some drinks.
2. Turn off your phone.  (And remember, as noted in a previous post, you should have a list of cancer friends in case you hit rock bottom in terms of loneliness or hurt.)
3. Shutdown your computer.  (Don’t start bearing your soul online.  That is a rookie move. Facebook is oft cited in divorce proceedings; plus, Mark Zuckerberg is selling your secrets.  Just step away from communication technology if you’re planning to let down your guard.)
4. If possible, have someone over.  In general, avoid drinking alone.  If you know you can drink alone but responsibly, feel free to do it.  No one is the boss of you. But I imagine, if you are feeling like I felt, that you’d rather drink with friends, so aim to do that.  People are good–especially if they’re good people. And people who love you won’t mind watching you fall apart if that’s how it goes.

Drinking can help you through it, but you should avoid doing anything risky–especially reaching out to people who aren’t already part of your support system–once you’re on the drunk train.

MAD ABOUT IT:

Drinking.  Hmmmm….it is to be given its proper respect and attention. I don’t mean for that to sound like I am glorifying getting wasted, though a good binge can be nice for the soul.  But you are likely in a precarious place around the time of your divorce and separation. There are a lot of reasons to be sad or mad in the time leading up to and following this mind f*ck called divorce.  So it is no surprise that wallowing in an alcohol soaked session at the bar with your buddies can turn into a comfortable spot. Don’t linger there for too long. You don’t want to become too dependent on the substance.  Become dependent on the friendships. Lean on your boys for a while. You will get the chance to pay it forward down the road–especially if this modern day trend and trajectory of spousal separation continues.

SAD ABOUT IT:

Like he mostly is when he isn’t disagreeing with me, Mad About It is correct!  Your newfound appreciation for drinking can drift easily into problem territory, and it might.  Take notice if you are routinely feeling sh*tty in the mornings or if drinking starts to have a measurable impact on other parts of your life–your family relationships, your work, etc.  Basically, drinking has its place, but you have to keep it in its place. If you turn to the bottle to feel better, but the bottle ends up getting the upper hand then don’t think you’re alone.  There is always AA.  And if you think that is too much for you then there is always a more basic solution to problem drinking: Quit drinking.  If you can’t quit and you know you’re becoming a problem drinker then remember that there is always AA.  If drinking, however, is something that you can do well then it may be helpful to you as you deal with the realities of early divorced life.  We both liked it, and drinking–in part–played a role in rekindling our friendship. Good luck, and be good to yourself.